Pride, Prejudice, Pot, and Pants

Published on: January 20, 2014 by Missy O'Brien 4 Comments

Guns don’t kill people. Pants kill people. A gentleman in Tennessee recently shot himself in the chin when he took off his pants and placed them on his dresser, “at which time the 25 caliber Baretta pistol in the right front pocket discharged.” You’ve got to love a police report. You’ve got to love the […]

The Death of Fun and Pineapple

Published on: December 5, 2013December 15, 2013 by Missy O'Brien 6 Comments

I’m trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey, bloomered and bonneted and petticoated and caped, singing Christmas carols at a nursing home. The assembled residents are far more grateful than we deserve – my quartet of Victorian-clad singers has hired itself out to raise money for the symphonic choir we belong to. It’s the end of […]

Stand By Your Boob

Published on: November 17, 2013December 15, 2013 by Missy O'Brien 3 Comments

Give him two arms to cling to And something warm to come to  When nights are cold and lonely  In other words, offer him “plenty to eat at home.” The first lady of Toronto stood stoically by her man on Friday, after Mayor Rob Ford managed to shock a jaded world by spitting out a […]

A Porch to Pee On

Published on: October 20, 2013December 15, 2013 by Missy O'Brien 4 Comments

The pissing contest in Washington has left me with a particularly pointed case of penis envy. Now, I’ve never actually wanted a penis, per se. Women learn early on that those appendages are readily available for loan should one ever be needed. What I envy about the penis is its peeing power – the ability […]