Spring is really as annoying as hell with its tiresome eternal promise of renewal and rebirth and unity and love. It’s too goddamned cheerful. I almost prefer the foot of cold wet isolating snow that hit the foothills of the Rockies in the middle of May. I’m not quite...
God’s Handy Work
When I see phrases like “God’s handy work” I think of Mrs. Helen (William “Pug”) Williams, who writes a social column for my hometown’s weekly newspaper. Mrs. Williams lives in one of the village suburbs (yes, a village can have suburbs) and reports at length upon the comings and...
Beating the Bends
Invariably after being sucked into the vainglorious vacuum of Facebook I develop decompression illness and have to re-acclimate to real life in gradual stages to keep my head from exploding. Diving into Facebook is like sneaking peeks at the National Enquirer while waiting in line at the grocery store...
Rat Dogs, Road Rage & Refrigerator Magnets
“It’s to shield her eyes from the sun,” says the large scowling man with the little rat dog. He is referring to the frilly pink polka-dot bonnet his dog is wearing, which perfectly matches the frilly pink polka-dot skirt that’s been tied pertly around her middle. Husband has just...
Bess, You Is My Vagina Now
The lilting strains of George and Ira Gershwin’s perfect love song have filled my head this week – updated to reflect the new language of our times. Things have changed since 1935; our legislative bodies now define us by our body parts. We body parts should probably start playing...