Sometimes I feel sorry for men. Not very often, mind you – but I do have fleeting moments of empathy when I escape my Missyness and actually pay attention to the world around me. She is sitting on the edge of the stage, a first violinist. It is dress...
“Do not bite.”
A new Costco Warehouse is going up across town, and Husband and I (lackadaisical shoppers if ever there were any) have been looking forward to having it here. We tell ourselves somewhat self-righteously that belonging to Costco will somehow be “better” than belonging to Sam’s Club, as if the...
Slop Bucket on the Bucket List
How is one to proffer a modest proposal about something as immodest as poop? I’ve long heard that rich innovative entrepreneur types are able to spot trends on the ground – as obvious as dog droppings — and immediately capitalize on them. I’ve spotted one, by God, and it...
Buckshot from Heaven
So where are all those guardian angels when you need them? You dangle them from your car’s rear-view mirror, you buy gaudy God-y figurines, you wear 14-carat necklace wings, you send schmaltzy hellos with haloed greeting cards, you give Swarovski crystal-accented lapel pins to your loved ones for protection...
Badges and Bastards
I’d forgotten about the white gloves. Back in the early 1970’s, we Junior Girl Scouts did indeed wear them to complete our uniforms, with our official Girl Scout ankle socks and beanies. It wasn’t until you became a Cadet that you got to wear hose and heels and a...