I’d forgotten about the white gloves. Back in the early 1970’s, we Junior Girl Scouts did indeed wear them to complete our uniforms, with our official Girl Scout ankle socks and beanies. It wasn’t until you became a Cadet that you got to wear hose and heels and a...
Slings & Arrows
Sound and Fury and Exploding Cow Farts
The kid is pedaling slowly down the center of my lane on a busy street that bisects our vibrant downtown district. It is rush hour, in gloomy winter twilight. He is wearing dark hipster colors. He is not wearing a helmet. The bike has no lights. A dog trots...
“Jesus, Lady!”
I am driving in Old Town near the university last night on rutted ice-packed streets in the dark. It’s a busy area where pedestrians and bicyclists rule, where crosswalks zebra-stripe the roads and where police are apt to lie in wait for traffic transgressors. To their credit, in this...
The Death of Fun and Pineapple
I’m trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey, bloomered and bonneted and petticoated and caped, singing Christmas carols at a nursing home. The assembled residents are far more grateful than we deserve – my quartet of Victorian-clad singers has hired itself out to raise money for the symphonic choir we...
A Porch to Pee On
The pissing contest in Washington has left me with a particularly pointed case of penis envy. Now, I’ve never actually wanted a penis, per se. Women learn early on that those appendages are readily available for loan should one ever be needed. What I envy about the penis is...